The Truth (Prince)

     When I was in the 9th grade I took English with a teacher I will never forget.  I do not remember most of the content but I remember one statement that knocked my socks off.  She said that each time you lie you lose a piece of yourself.  By now you must know my love of the metaphor...the way I can get across what I am feeling with some pretty little picture or story.  Well, I also personify.  I also have quite the imagination.  The world can be a very colorful place if I allow it.  Then there is the extra perception that I seem to have.  It was strong as a child but lately as I sift through the crap I am finding it stronger than ever.  Rewind back to the statement by the teacher.   Each time you lie you lose a piece of yourself....hmmm.  I remember thinking of a person standing there and slowly losing actual little chunks of themselves.  Disappearing right before your very eyes.  Add this to twelve years of Catholic school and the B horror films of the 80's and you get one scared kid. 
     Now as an adult I seem to still possess the naivety and pure thinking of a child.  It seems to take me so long to process the bullshit from the truth.  Not the actual lies but the WHY behind them all.   I go to my psychology minor in the hour of need.  I understand so many of the reasons people lie.  As I sit here and judge the dishonest of the world you are wondering about me and my truths.  Well, let's see...as a kid did I sign some tests that my Mom should have?  Yep.  She didn't accept less than a 100 so in those Mommie Dearest moments where a 98 would've been an hour of yelling...I took it upon myself to spare her as well as myself.  For the most part I have been a true person.  Even when doing the wrongs of my life I did it with a truthfulness that did not always reward me. 
     But...I seem to be surrounded by the masters of the skill.  They lie like they breathe.  I have watched one too many Lie To Me and CSI to not see the signs.  I have honed my skills for microexpressions.  I have also opened my eyes to things I was not willing to see.  Sometimes we lie to ourselves.  But the really crazy part is that while you are lying yourself through the story you almost seem to disappear before me....growing hazy and foggy.  Losing little pieces of yourself right before my eyes.
     As a little girl I watched a woman dig through a bag of Scrabble letters to find the "U" for her gajillion point "Q" word.  She denied it.  As a teenager I found my way through every guy who had another girl on the side.  So whether you are lying about the amount of money you spent on lottery tickets or lunch I seem to find out.  We all know smoking pot isn't really "golfing" and napping somewhere isn't really "remodeling".  Pretty sure those nasty things found in your pockets weren't from the "friend" at the bar. And all those hours spent "playing games" on the computer or "looking for a good deal"...well....I'll leave that one alone. 
     Do I believe sometimes you fib not to hurt someone's feelings?  Maybe.  I appreciate those of you who still claim I never got fat as I sit here and think about an eighty pound weight loss.  Do I sometimes tell the kids that if they eat one more lollipop there teeth will fall out...yep...if it helps them eat those carrots.  But when it comes down to the core...the real...the solid...the only thing that I truly value in life is honesty.  It is a gift and a rare gem in this world.  I am looking for the souls who are solid as they stand there before me telling me stories.  It's not the honesty that is ever judged it is the deceit that finds its way in.  When you are real you are a skyscraper tall and strong in front of me.  When you are a liar with your fancy elaborate stories of grandeur and crazy that go on and on like some rambling run on sentence when you try to impress me with this and that and everything in between and sometimes you even get props like tape measures and supplies that you will need....well...you get the picture.  I lose you.  I won't believe that you can lie to me like that.  I won't believe that you can lie to others like that.  I just don't think in those patterns.  What I can do is open my eyes and train myself.  It's a sad realization and an even sadder process.  Whatever would we do if we just used up all of that creativity on something good?  What if you put those skills to a greater purpose?  What if you didn't have to forget so much because the truth is usually pretty easy to keep track of? 
      I wanted to go with Billy Joel here.  Honesty.  It seemed too obvious and not angry enough but he says it so nicely: "Honesty is such a lonely word.  Everyone is so untrue.  Honesty is hardly ever heard.  And mostly what I need from you."