There is a scene at the end of the movie, The Sixth Sense, that is probably one of the most memorable of any movie. It is a series of memories being flashed at you but this time it is the reality of them. It is the truth being seen instead of the illusion that was set up through the entire film. It had so much impact for me as this man realized what was really going on as opposed to what he believed.
I have this happen so much lately. My life as I knew it wasn't real. It was twisted with illusion and hope. I was given a nice stage and some decent plot with interesting writing...but now looking back I am feeling more and more like the idiot at the end of the movie. This wide-eyed optimist was easy to fool I guess. At times it makes me sad. I imagine I am watching this film. I feel bad for the character watching her life stream before her eyes. I feel bad that she thought life was so different than it really was. I laugh at her for thinking she had any power at all because looking back she was played so well that she didn't even feel a thing. Other times it makes me angry. So many decisions were made based on this life and to find out it wasn't authentic means the decisions were all wrong.
The irony of it all is that I believed I was so aware of my surroundings. I thought I had some hand in the movie that was playing. I thought I held the camera and created the script and designed the costumes. Well, the joke is on me. I was merely a stage hand. An extra.
At the end of the Sixth Sense a movie is over. All that is left is this sad feeling for this man so attached to his old life that he couldn't see it for what it really was. I can't get up and leave this theater. It is all still around me everyday. I am watching those flashes of memory now...little by little...all over the place. I see the images being shattered as the memory is shifted from my creation to its own reality. I cringe as new ones pop up. As I tune up my lost intuition they all become so clear. Maybe I was distracted. Maybe I was naive. Maybes don't get me my life back. They don't allow for the redo.
So now I am here wondering what to filter out and what to keep. Every word has doubt. Every promise was empty. Every memory is questioned. That sad feeling at the end of the movie is now a partner that seems to follow me around. A shadow looming in the background of every thought that I have. Was this real? Was that genuine? No, no...not that one, too! Little strings being snipped as I rethink all of it with open eyes this time around. I once called a boy gullable. Well karma...I get it...the joke was on me. So now the movie is over. People are throwing out their empty bags of popcorn and soda cups. They are grabbing their sweaters and checking their pockets. They are leaving the theater and heading back to their real lives. Only for me the movie is playing over and over and I don't get to leave the theater. As the credits play and the words come up upon the screen I will read them all looking for hints or clues. I will wish for some extra footage with the answers to it all. Some huge revelation that makes sense of it all. But the screen has gone black and the sound system is now playing generic music. The lights are on...bright and painful. I have to leave the theater and hope that the details fade. I'm hoping to forget some of the scenes. I hope that someday I can say that though I don't remember all of the details I do remember thinking the movie was a good one.
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