It's a sad realization but one I must accept. Not everyone wants you to get better...do better...be better. In many, many ways. I started to see this in people a long time ago but kept my head down and pushed my way through the crowd of the miserable. As changes are being made and I am becoming less tolerable of the doom and gloom of many...it is becoming very clear. People don't always want you to succeed. In your happiness they see their own sadness. In your accomplishments they see their own failures. In your optimism they see their own misery. The list goes on and on.
From a young age I was trained to think this was fine. The minute things were too good for me someone slapped me down about it. I was made to feel badly about anything that I had or did even if it was because I earned it with good hard work and dedication. I was made to feel guilty about being everything from too skinny or too smart....to finding love or a good job. Friends, families, partners, etc all just waiting to chop down the feeling of pride with a quick cut that would return me to the cruel real world.
As a grown woman on a new path to the life that I really want I am no longer allowing this. I stood there yesterday analyzing the wonderful day that I was having. I was wondering what thing would go wrong to balance out the luck and fun of it all. I was questioning if I "deserved" such goodness. A dear woman reminded me that it was just fine. We deserved it. We earned it. She was right. Another dear friend of mine has been teaching me to accept the good of life as well as the bad. She shared an abundance mantra with me that has been slowly but surely coming to fruition. I am retraining my brain to accept that I can indeed have good things happen and it is okay. Maybe a sad thing to have to train myself to do but with awareness and practice I think I am on the right path.
I have a heart that wants the best for people. Score a great new job, find the love of your life, win big at the casino...guess who is sooooooo excited for you? Genuinely? Truly? Me. I want good to happen to and for you because that's what you do when you care about someone. You want the best for them. Selfless is hard. Loving can be challenging. Giving is an effort. But anything decent in this world is. My next step is to surround myself with the people who are generous of spirit and time. Those that are happy to share in your joy. The few who know you deserved the outcome you worked so hard for. The true fans of your life. They are rare. But then again when something is rare it is usually much more precious. I will be grateful to those support systems. I will give thanks to the those who listen to the sad and horrible as well as smile through the stories of fun and blessings. I am grateful to those of you who have been there when I needed you and not just when you needed me.
One of my best buddies wears a necklace of a circle that symbolizes karma. She believes in it. I always have as well. Put out good...get good back. I will continue to spend time and energy on those that believe the same things as me. I will love them and want the best for them and I will allow them to train me that it is just fine to get it back as well. Thank you...you all know who you are!
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