Derailed (Somewhere Only We Know · Keane)

     I have often described the feeling of life being "right" as being on a track.  A train track.  Solid and true.  I can zoom along with a clackety-clack.  But it's been a LONG time since I have felt that way.   Certain decisions that were made a million years ago all seemed right.  Lately, I just feel like I am going nowhere.  There was a chunk of track missing and I derailed.  Now I just wait for the new section of track to make sense of it all again.  I've been dragging in the dirt and gravel too long.
     They say it's not the destination but the journey.  I am starting to wonder about the journey as well.  I am a girl who likes order.  Entropy terrifies me.  Don't get me wrong I love NEW things as you can see by my current challenge to myself and the world around me...but I need a few solid things to ground me.  There is so little that is the same in my life and so much question as to my future that I never really know what to cling to in the moments that I need a little safety and calm.
      Almost every single aspect of my life is unsettled.  I could list it all but it would make me more tired and it's Monday....morning...and I'm supposed to start off the week with a bang, right?  In the meantime, take my word for it.  There is almost nothing that is a set thing.  That is safe.  That is solid.  I can understand a few new challenges but this is getting almost comical.  I am imploring the universe and all of its mightiness to throw me something soon to tether me a bit.  I'm pretty good when I have a goal to shoot for but this is like playing numerous soccer games on eight fields at one time.  Give me something tried and true.  Something unwavering.  A routine to fall into.  A place that is safe and welcoming.   Clear the path.  Lay the track.  Oil the wheels.  Reinforce the metal.  Please get this train running again soon.  She needs a destination.  She can take in the scenery on the way and experience the trip for what it's worth but there has to be a time to hit the next stop.  A place to rest for a moment.  Refuel.   And right now there is all horizon and no track.