My Heart in Winter (Winter Song · Ingrid and Sarah)

  I am looking at the peaceful snowy hillside outside of my window.  My heart is pounding outside of my chest...my head is pounding...my hands are trembling.   It seems that things aren't ready to be calm even if the scenery tries to deem it so. 
    Death, separations, harsh realities of childhood need to be exorcised properly...and if they aren't they will continue to haunt the soul.  They will whisper quietly when the days are busy.  They will shout when things are still.  Somewhere within is the dance we must do to navigate through it all.
     Maybe it just takes longer than I thought for them to all hit.  Figuring out one problem means that you have to see the thirty that were underneath and it makes for one gigantic mess.  One of my windows is clean but the others are cloudy...they obscure my view.  As I find my way others are tugging at me to stay behind.
     The shattered glass on my bedroom floor are the icicles of the heart.  They mirror the wintry landscape waiting outside my cave.  Winters are harsh.  We must bundle up to be safe.  We must drive carefully.  We must take precautions.  I guess it is like that in life as well.  We have to prepare for winter.
      Seasons have their time and then progress to the next...a cycle we set calendars and lives to.  Eventually the snow will melt.  The dirt will soften.  The flowers will pop.  The buds will sprout.  This will continue on and on and on as sure as the sun will shine and the air will fill our lungs on the inhale.  People are not seasons though...and one should not expect the same cycles that the seasons are so kind to provide.   Or should they?  Maybe we are seasons as well.  One thing following the other.  Summer will never provide the blazing foliage of fall and winter will never provide abundant gardens of greenery.  Why then do we think people will be able to change their very nature?  Seasons will come and go whether we want them to or not.  Rain will fall.  Snow will float.  Warmth will come.  Maybe we will just learn when to plant the seeds, how to drive in the ice and what is needed to be worn on our feet to protect us from the elements.  Maybe that is all we can do. 
    We can hope for the spring and the promise that it brings...and know that soon enough we will do it all over yet again.