I get reminded on a very regular basis that when you know better you do better. It's really quite true. When surrounded by negativity and sadness...it's easier to bitch along with the other voices. When swallowed up by low self-esteem and defensiveness...it's sometimes simpler to join the masses. When the world is heavy it is sometimes too much to hold up. But I like my optimism. It is who I have always been. So I guess just finding her again was the task. I had no idea how much more I would get out of the journey.
I am returning to the person who is truly happy for you when something good comes into your life. I am grateful for the moments...tiny or huge...that make my heart smile. I pause often to say "thanks" to the universe when I need to.
Yesterday I left therapy (an amazing session) and found myself open to the world. Open. None of my stuff was in the way. I got a text from a dear friend and within seconds we had a coffee date. Completely spontaneous. (We don't do spontaneous...we are both over-planning-make·a·list-over-thinking virgos.) But there we were with two cups of coffee and a sweet little girl sharing not only minutes but hours. It was a highlight in my week and a cherished time between two "sisters". Your support team needs to be a carefully crafted group. At this time in our lives...when things are shifting...you better get the team right. Nobody puts their bench warmers on the field for the big game. So here I am with one hell of a coach, lots of practice time in and the most bad ass team ever.
I drove my car and somewhere in between the DD drive-thru and Jenne's house I smiled. I then said out loud and all by myself..."I can have a nice life...it's ok...I can be happy...I can have friends that I love big...I can be proud of the children I have created...". I sat there and rattled off the list of things I was happy and grateful for. A verbalized mantra of love. As I turned the corner the sun decided to peek through a puff of clouds and flooded onto my face in the car...a little confirmation from the skies.
We get a short time on this planet. It is meant to learn, grow, feel and live. Who are we to take such gifts and waste them on misery. Find your demons, release your ghosts, bash your fears, release your triggers. Heal. Forgive. Have empathy. Find peace. Say you are sorry. Be happy for others when they are blessed. Be grateful. With so many amazing things TO BE...why the need to be bitter?
Thank you again to my dearest teammates for putting on your gear and kicking a little ass on the field. I don't have a game without you. Also, thank you for the constant laughs...it makes it so much easier to not be bitter!
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