The Scientist · Coldplay

     A scientist takes a world of entropy and makes sense of it all.  They create a formula that can set up rules and then test for a specific result.  Once they have this new knowledge there is something upon which to base all new results.  It means they don't have to waste time testing the same hypothesis over and over...they can move on to the next level. 
     I have approached my life like a scientist in many ways.
I ponder.
I watch.
I collect my data.
I try a method.  It fails.
I try another.
I test.
I research.
I adjust my calculations.
I change my conditions.
I observe.
I make conclusions. 
Lately, I even record my findings.

    I have been doing this since I was old enough to breathe.  Maybe it is why tricky subjects like chemistry and advanced biology came easy to me.  Maybe it is why I have been pondering a whole new career in nursing lately.  Maybe it is simply because I needed to make order out of a life of disorder.  My frustration came when the rules got fuzzy, the lines got blurred, the simple reaction was switched up.  As I grew I learned yet another science.  Psychology gave me more answers.  It made things a bit more clear about the mass that hides in our skull.  But there are so many variables and factors that it leaves one feeling even more perplexed.   My methods have proven some things but they have also failed miserably.  Plus, once the answer comes...it isn't always one that I hoped for. Yet, in every single place that I can I try to bring order.  I try to find a system of balance and clarity.  I try to devise formulas.  If....then.   A or B.  Success or failure.  When my experiment fails I look back to the step where it all went wrong.  I rebuild from there.  I erase all of the scribbles I have placed on the chalkboard and I go back to the place it fell apart.  Eventually my chalk gets too tiny to write with.  Sometimes I run out of space.  But my brain has way too much room....
     Maybe the science will make sense of the pain.  Hopefully the date will support the ideal.  My life now is a series of swipes.  They erase.  I erase what was known and leave a blank space for what could be.  I go back to the place where I feel their was error and I try to reformulate.  Still thinking like a scientist.  The problem is this scientist has a heart.  A weary one at that.  Hearts do not follow the rules.  Science doesn't allow for memories, emotions or souls.  A leads to B which leads to C.  Period.  No technological advances can save this girl.  No fancy new gadgets.  I had been thinking that science was this issue.  The problem is not with the science but forgetting the laws that apply.  I still remember to ask a question, do background research, construct a hypothosis and test it.  I know to collect my data and analyze my results.   But somewhere in there and before I get to communicate my results...I am "talked out" of science.  By one variable or another.  I just checked on the rules and these were some of my finds:

     "Do Background Research: Rather than starting from scratch in putting together a plan for answering your question, you want to be a savvy scientist using library and Internet research to help you find the best way to do things and insure that you don't repeat mistakes from the past.

     You should also repeat your experiments several times to make sure that the first results weren't just an accident. 


Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion: Once your experiment is complete, you collect your measurements and analyze them to see if your hypothesis is true or false.
Scientists often find that their hypothesis was false, and in such cases they will construct a new hypothesis starting the entire process of the scientific method over again. Even if they find that their hypothesis was true, they may want to test it again in a new way."

       So just when I was doubting myself as a scientist...though be it now for life and not for school... I see that my methods can work.  I just have to follow them.  I have been a lax scientist.  I let things and people persuade me to disbelieve my findings.   But this review has brought me one line that seems to be the most important, "...to help you find the best way to do things and insure that you don't repeat mistakes from the past."
    
 If only there was some equation or mnemonic to help me with that one....