"When it feels like everything is falling apart...
that is when God is putting all of the right pieces together."
This quote was someone's status update on Facebook the other day and it struck a chord in me. I have some people that post endless motivational blurbs. Sometimes they help more than that person every knows. I still watch my Oprah Lifeclass. I stay in touch with dear relatives as well as brand new friends that seem to push me to be who I need to. My mind, my heart, my soul all wide open for the little words of little talks that help me to keep the faith....grow....see my new purposes. I also find chances to speak to my children about what is important. I scream at my Dad to find a reason to keep going when he misses my Mother. I yell at the boys who need to grow up. Little talks are sometimes loud. I am also losing the shyness that used to inhibit me from speaking to people I care about and respect.
Then there is me. Each day. Every day. Relentlessly....I have little talks with myself. Sometimes I have to process the long sleep of nightmares. Other times I find myself in the middle of an emotional or mental exercise and I push my mind and spirit to lift the next higher "weight". On long drives I pull myself out of the dark waiting for me and find the millions of reasons to be lighter. I sometimes wonder what I used to do with all of this time when minds were fairly quiet and communication was at a whisper. I then realize it was when the numbness had won out over the words. When boredom had beaten out the bravery. When old and repetitive was easier than the challenge of the new.
Now there are mantras. Pep talks. Quotes of inspiration. Discussions with people who matter. New stories are forming. New horizons are showing me new views. Some day the little talks will be replaced with new activities, exciting adventures and moments of glory but until then I will keep on chatting with myself until I remember...until it is second nature...until the good is all I can hear.
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