Handing in my Pom Poms (Cheerleader · St. Vincent)

     I am almost 40 and these last (gulp) few months (4 of them) need to be the real deal.  Oh man, in my head I had way more time....guess counting the months was a good (crappy) thing.  I need to get down to business.  As I see it the first 40 years were dedicated to others.  I was a good little girl.  I was a model (dorky) student.  I performed as a cheerleader, track runner, volleyball player and lifeguard to the best of my abilities.  I put up with lots of girls and the crap that comes with them.  Boys....ugh...let's just say I've had my fill on that one as well.  I worked my ass off at every job I've ever had. Waitress, manager, teacher, seller of pizza to name a few.  The money was never the benefit...the proud boss was my payment.  Have you sensed a pattern.  I'm not really sure what, how, when and why it was ever for me. 
      And this was BEFORE motherhood.  Before being the grown child to two adult parents who needed help.  Before realizing that sometimes the people that you pick to grow old with have trouble growing up at all.  Then there are the people coming on 40 themselves....analyzing their lives and disappointed as if they just realized the movie they watched wasn't so good and they want their money back.  We are all tired.  More broke than ever.  More frustrated at the state of politics, finances, world news and current events than we ever have been up to this point and with good reason.  But I have been scrambling to get out from underneath the rubble for a few years now and I'm tired of it.  Not weary anymore...but tired.  Tired enough to stop doing it. 
     The next 40 plus years are going to be about being a cheerleader for the people who really matter...and I will be on that list...closer to the top.  I will inspire with excitement and celebrate with vigor but I am done trying to fix what ails you.  All of you.  Constantly.  I might lapse into the old role for a bit here and there and by no means am saying that I won't be a loyal and loving parent and friend but it will be different.  Because at the end of the first 40 years I don't really have much to show for all of the work now do I? 
      Here's to the next 4 months...leading to the next 40 years.  I'm handing in my pom poms.