There seems to be a theme flying around these days. Regret. Regret for the loss of time. We are all looking back at our lives and wondering what happened. Where did the time go? What happened to the grandiose plans that never came to fruition? When did we wake up from our dreams? We thought we would have a certain life by a certain age...settled...calm...full. Instead we are dwelling on our financial status and perplexed at how we seem to be not that much better off now than we were then. We are analyzing our careers and the years of dedication and education that went or did not go into them. Why did we move? Did we have enough kids? Should we have more? Why didn't we have them at all? Should we move again? Why didn't our relationship make it? If only we had spent more time reading, fishing, traveling, studying. If only we had spent more time with our sister, dad or friend. If only. Loss, sorrow, disenchantment.
But if you spend your hours with lament for what is past you will forget to live in the now. You will look beyond the smiles that you see right in front of you. The sunny days will come and go. The new and exciting will elude your path. You won't take that chance. That chance that might have changed your whole life, rocked your whole world. My new mantra is "this day is the youngest I will ever be". It seems to be working. It takes the pressure off of the number of the age. It takes me away from all that I SHOULD HAVE done up to this point. It removes the sadness of a lost anniversary or a growing way too quickly child. It makes me focus on a day with an elderly man that still remembers me. It makes the possibilities of tomorrow so much bigger...so much brighter.
I preach a good sermon at times to the people around me. Sometimes I believe in it all, others I fake it up as much as I can for their sake. I tend to live these sentiments not just deliver them. I try. But as I walked the track last night with a dear friend discussing futures...I realized we sounded young. We sounded like we were at the beginning. Should we pick a different major and try our hand at something new? Should we move? Should we have a relationship? It got me thinking about so many of these questions lately. To have kids, to get married, to get divorced, to go back to school, to try a new career, to sell, to move, to join the Peace Corps and the countless other topics we have all covered. I have had these talks with you over wine, beer, pizza, cupcakes and dinner. We are all a little lost. We are all very tired. We are all confused and saddened by what has happened to the life we thought we would live. We need to get over it. We need to stop looking back. We need to see today. We need to make the biggest plans yet for the people we have found along the path. Dig new dirt, plant new seeds, watch our gardens grow. Take up our battered wings, give them some time to heal and then remember why we have them. We have them to fly. We have them to soar.
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