I am on strike. Officially. As of now. I am giving myself permission. I am the union rep and the negotiator and the law. I spent a great deal of time exchanging different vents last night. I will probably find a few more today. The women in my life as well as myself are all in this spiral. The hamster wheel has always been spinning at an uncontrollable speed. But today I am slamming the breaks. I am not worrying about being the "perfect" everything while it seems as if nobody else does. Yes I know...a mother's work is never done, a daughter's life is thankless, a partner is full of expectations....yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't HAVE to be that way. People CAN say thank you. They can prioritize just like you do. They can respect the time and effort and devotion you put into life. But somewhere along the line expectation replaces appreciation. They don't realize you haven't done a damn thing for yourself because you simply don't have the time or chance to. It's not being a martyr either...it's just the way it is. The more you do...the more they expect. There is no reward, no raise, no bigger thanks. When it's missing though...wow, do people notice. I can't remember the last time I took a long shower or went to the bathroom without interruption. These are basics...c'mon. I put off the book club book to cram it into the waiting line as I pick my kid up from school. Just read? For pleasure...what is that? My clothes seriously are almost comical at this point. Time for the gym...ha. I blog...yes...but I'm quick about it. I even squish that in wherever it doesn't put someone else out. It's 5:30 in the morning at times.
Somewhere along the line we were told we would just DO these things. Then society added to it. Now we have to do it with flair and creativity as well. We have to be supermoms, amazing selfless partners, grateful children, maids, chefs, teachers, organizers, therapists....and a million other things under the sun. We are made to feel guilty the minute we aren't.
Let's look back in history though. And please don't find me a man hater...I swear I'm not. Just look. Men provide. From the days of the cave to now. Thousands of years later. But people we aren't just flinging a baby on our back while we walk through the brush anymore. So if we evolve into these crazy women who have to keep topping ourselves...where the hell is your evolution? We do it all and we do it well and many work at the same time. We worry about the development of our children while we are stirring the risotto and sewing something with our toes. We run from room to room. We ask permission to do things with our pals so maybe the men in our lives can "babysit". Nope. Not anymore. Ladies...in the 60's they burned bras to work...idiots. 80's made us realize we could wear stupid white sneakers with our power suits and have the big career...for less money...dumbasses. Somewhere along the line we decided we could do it all...and boy do we. We rock. We really do. But are they keeping up with us? Do they come home from a long day at work and then continue to run around doing everything for everyone else? Do they use their days off to clean, run errands, etc? We never stop. Never. We are expected to have 35 roles while they continue to have one...maybe...if we're lucky.
Now, there are a few of you who are exceptions. I see you. I am proud that you are fair and equitable and kind and appreciative. But I have a feeling 99% of the ladies reading this are understanding the sentiment. I'm not angry. I'm frustrated. I need to remind you that our never ending thankless job is just that...never ending and thankless. Maybe the shift for this next generation needs to happen. We do it because we are crazy and love you all and because we constantly need to prove how amazing we are. We do it because nobody else will. We do it because we were trained to. We look back at history and are amazed at how people were treated at certain points because of some major issues. We look back in horror. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not comparing the status of the modern woman to any major offense on life. I am hoping though that sometime soon we realize we were living without the respect and appreciation and equality that we deserved and I am starting that shift today. Join me.
I tell my kids every so often that it's not my job to make them happy. It's my job to keep them alive. I provide the shelter, the food, the doc appts, the schooling, the clothes, and the place to sleep. Not my job to make life fair, or fun, that's just what I do for extra credit.
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