At work the other day...hour by hour...I felt it. First in my eyes. Then my throat. Glands tender. Maybe I'm just exhausted I thought. I made it to the pick up line at school where I put my car seat back and set an alarm to take a nap. I don't remember falling asleep. By the time dinner was over I was burning with fever and shaking with chills. "NO!", I thought. Not me, not now. I could push myself somewhere in between denial and stupidity or I could head to the couch. I opted for the latter. It's been days now. Countless cups of tea and sinus pills later I am still not back to myself. This begins to frustrate me. I don't like to waste time especially when there is so much to do. Being sick is a waste of time. But somewhere in my head I hear my mother's voice...you are burnt. My body is doing what it always has. It stops me when I won't allow myself to stop. If shuts down when I don't take breaks.
It has been the type of illness that doesn't allow reading. I've been napping and eating oranges. I've also been emptying my dvr. It's been loaded because the old habit of watching countless hours of tv each week is down to very little. I guess lots of habits are different or changing.
I have also had much time between cat naps and refills of tea mugs. Time allows my mind to race. I've been more sick lately than usual. I think it's part of the mourning. The old life is leaving me bit by bit and with it go pieces of me as well. I discovered this in the funniest place. My DVR. Seems I've had shows tucked for a long time. Now some of them don't even interest me anymore. They were part of the distraction that life can provide for us if we allow it. When you are quiet in bed...too tired to be productive...too still to play...too weary to allow the noise of life...is when you have to listen to the real stuff. My last few weeks were insanely busy. I rushed from thing to thing. I am running from the ghosts of yesterday. I am fleeing from the flurry of foes. I am running. Here in bed they can all catch me. Ironically as my body seems to feel stronger my mind seems to feel heavier.
The skies have been grey and snowy all day. My chocolate pooch has been my faithful companion. My comforter has been my friend or enemy depending on the rush or fall of temperatures I am experiencing. My phone has been fairly quiet. I am in some quiet time out from the universe...and it's ok. Maybe the spirit, the body, the mind just know that I am getting ready for the next round. Just a little rest for the girl who doesn't know how to take it on her own so her body does it for her. Maybe one of these days they can communicate better...
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