This Woman's Work (Kate Bush)

     A woman was told that she was pregnant.  She was also "old" for someone having a baby.  Life had been a challenge to say the least up to this point and she wasn't about to have it get any easier.  There were also tumors that would not allow the baby to grow and the chance of the baby making it was slim.  If the baby made it...she most likely would not.  She was told to end the pregnancy.  She was asked by her new husband to do the same...he had finally found his love after waiting almost 45 years to do so...and he didn't want to lose her just yet.  But after a childhood of sorrow and three stillborn babies in between the other three that she was lucky to have...she wasn't letting anyone take away this "miracle".  So at the age of 37...Sally gave birth to a little curly haired girl.  She was in a new city with a new life and torn from the one she had left behind.  She was taking care of two elderly and ill in-laws and a dog and a cat as well.  A house was being renovated, a family was being developed and a whole new life was just getting started for them all.
     My mother went on to be quite the Mom.  She was tough, she was giving, she was fair, she was complicated, she was real.  She ran one hell of a ship.  I look back and sometimes wonder why she was the way she was about certain things...but most of the time I am just grateful.  Even in her weaknesses she was teaching me a life lesson.  As a woman coming on 40 I also understand so much more now.  I see why things were the way they were and how truly brave she was even when things were not simple.  She pushed a body that was weak.  She shoved hard on a mind that was raw.  She never relented on a spirit that was tattered.  I learned many things from her.  Work hard at whatever it is you are doing.  Never stop learning.  Give your closest people your best.  Empathize...even with the bully...they must have a reason to be that way.  Take in strays because nobody is better than anyone else.  Be kind.  In giving we get so much more back.  Countless lessons...
      She also taught me "not to sweat the small stuff" and I have to practice that one.  I have come far but there is more work to be done.  When she beat cancer the first time she reminded us all to live life to the fullest.  When they gave us three days to say goodbye we were given a smack in the face.  Time is a precious commodity.  Maybe I have spent the last years doing things that some don't understand but when money, talents and resources were slim...time was something I had.  When someone gives you so much during your life you make sure you thank them.  It has been a difficult year since the night I spent glued to her side to sing, pray, read and say goodbye.  But I keep hearing her in my ear.  She reminds me to do so many things.  I miss the person I would talk to for hours but then again  I have come to realize that she is right there for all of it now and only a conversation away.   I will pass on her expressions, her life lessons and her meatloaf recipe.  I will cling to the dear family that I have been blessed with.  I will nurture the friendships that are my "family" even if we don't share the same genes.  I will be so grateful for a whole new relationship with the sister that is the only human who knows her like I did.  I will make sure my children know how she lived for us all.  I will live big because it is the only way she would have had it.   Though I miss her in a million little ways...she lives on in all of us...always.