Mom's Message to a Birthday Girl (We've Only Just Begun · The Carpenters)

     I am days from my next birthday and the quiet contemplation and constant retrospection has begun.  What's next?  I realized today that there are so many of us in this position lately...what now?  We should all be settled in by now, shouldn't we?  In my immediate circle there are people looking at the future...new babies, new jobs, new careers, new classes, scary relationships, failed marriages, new roads. 
     I turned to a song from my childhood.  My parents were older when they met and this was their constant inspiration.  As messes from their past got in the way of their tomorrows they held on to the today that got them through it all.  The message was simple and sweet.  A mantra for sweethearts that had many challenges.  As I can hear my Mom singing along I am seeing their burdens and trials so much clearer now.  Aging parents, new families blending with old families, baggage, sickness, traveling, financial burdens...you name it...they lived it.  My Mom had already lived five lifetimes in her 37 or so years and my Dad a decade older had seen his share of life as well.  Yet there they were just starting on a journey that would take them on one wild ride. 
     I got to go on that wild ride.  This year I will experience the first birthday without my mother by my side.  It's funny but I always thought as an adult I would find some sort of peace in that...honestly it's in the moments that I miss my Mom the most that I feel the youngest.  Sometimes just wanting to scream that I want my Mommy.  She won't be here to fight for the piece of traditional Carvel cake with the most crunchies.  She won't be here to laugh at our horrible singing.  She won't be here at all. 
     If she were here she would tell me not to sweat the small stuff.  She would remind me that it all goes very quickly.  She would tell me to live big because I won't see these people ever again.   She would tell me to take a day every here and there to snuggle and watch cooking shows.  She must've whispered that to me this morning as I snuggled with my babies and did exactly that.  She would say..."Get out there!"...whether that be a dance floor or a new adventure.  She passed on many good traits to me...some through lessons, some through guidance...others through mistakes.  She would encourage me to do some big new things and she wouldn't stop at me.  She might tell a few of you some other things: To the lady having a baby almost a decade after her first...don't be scared...those second round babies come out pretty good.  To the woman who just found the love of her heart...enjoy it because it makes up for all those years of struggle.  To the lost souls and stray dogs...find yourself already...life is too short.  To the couples who are just starting out and starting over...it's hell but it's worth it.  Never stop learning.  Never stop serving mankind.  Never stop reaching.
     Lots of things are on the horizon for a girl and a birthday and the scent of white musk just told me that she might just be here after all to watch the candles go out.